What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he's single and there are thong briefs.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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