Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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