I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
