what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
