I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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