oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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