Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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