everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
