i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
