I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
