How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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