if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
