i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
