Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize