I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Text me some of your sweat
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
