life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
