WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
