I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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