If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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