don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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