Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
