and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
