I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
