i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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