Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
