Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
