This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
