I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
