Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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