the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
