sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Houston, we have a blender
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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