i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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