Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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