is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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