I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love having hate sex.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
