When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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