Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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