hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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