um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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