you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You made out with two different species that night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
