Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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