I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
