Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
