If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
