She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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