Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
