Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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