the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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