I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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