Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
