My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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