M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
