You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
