You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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