3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
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