Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
