I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
