When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
