Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
