You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize