I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
