I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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