Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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