Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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