my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
