You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
