her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize