What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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