I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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