those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
