I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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