Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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