My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
