do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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