If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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