the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
