She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
