he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
