just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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