no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
