i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
