Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize