Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
