My first STD was from a foam party
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize