The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
