i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
