he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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