they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize