he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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