The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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