We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
