Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
