I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She is in my trunk
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
