So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
