Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
