Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
