The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I FOUND THE LEGS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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