she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
