Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You are the jesus of drinking
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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