people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
