some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
